My best guy friend stopped talking to me when he got a girlfriend
Submit Cancel. I was 14 when I first met him. It all began with an argument and as days passed, we got closer and closer. He became my best friend or soulmate as he liked to call me. We shared our deepest secrets and fears with each other and I could never think of losing him until one girl entered his life and turned my life upside down.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: When a Man IGNORES You, here's what he's thinking (counterintuitive)
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: telling my best friend i love her...Content:
- why do my guy friends stop talking to me when they get a girlfriend?
- He stopped talking to me when he got a girlfriend. why?
- The Surprising Truth About The Silent Treatment
- This Guy Loves Talking to Me, But Does Not Want to Be My Boyfriend
- What To Do When Your Best Friend Ditches You For Their BF/GF
- Best friend stops talking to me once he gets a girlfriend...
- The Harsh Reality Of Losing Guy Friends Once You Get A Boyfriend
- Best Guy Friend Gets A Girlfriend & Forgets all about you
- My Best Friend Left Me For His Girlfriend And I Hate Him For That
why do my guy friends stop talking to me when they get a girlfriend?
FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Why did my friend stop talking to me? My very good friend, 20s, M, abruptly cut off contact. When I approached him about this, he gave me a non-answer. As far as I know, he's been doing well. What happened? A few years ago I met a friend at a summer internship. We hit it off, traveled around exciting new cities together, and even though we attended different colleges and our hometowns were hours apart, we made a very solid effort to visit one another.
It was always the best! We'd talk for hours and wander around the city during our infrequent visits. He would joke that I was his 'favorite person,' always mentioned I was very fun to talk to I learned a lot from him, trusted his opinions, and felt there were things I could contribute to his world view as well.
We talked every day and freely exchanged emails, frequently sharing articles and random thoughts. Nothing was off-limits. We were able to share our insecurities without being judged, and the friendship was low-drama, very easy, honest, and it was great. He was definitely one of my closest friends, and I thought I was one of his closer friends, too. When I moved to a new faraway city, he sent me headphones so that we could Skype that, sadly, I ended up never using. Even now, I look back at our friendship and smile.
One day I got a text from him, after oddly not hearing from him for a week or two, saying that his girlfriend would prefer that I not talk to him as much, and he would appreciate it if I could respect that.
I said absolutely, and didn't initiate contact with him for a while. Then after that I simply didn't hear from him for another few weeks. A few weeks after, I got a random flurry of frustrated-sounding texts telling me that he wanted to break up with his relatively new girlfriend of six months, at the time for a bunch of reasons.
I offered to listen, but the conversation was pretty short. Then another few weeks later, I get another similar group of texts where he complained that his girlfriend went through all of his physical mail, texts, and emails, and freaked out that his ex-girlfriend had sent him a postcard.
I continued working on the project to completion, and this meant that we were in professional contact throughout the time he had requested I not initiate contact with him as much.
I also think he removed me from his chat list, and even when I tried to check in with him after weeks of silence, he was kind of curt. When I called him out on this over email because at this point he wasn't even answering my calls and asked for an explanation after months of non-conversation, he just gave me a non-response, albeit a very long-winded one, saying that he didn't think we had anything special in our friendship and he was just another guy and any guy in his demographic could give me the same advice I sought when I spoke to him.
He also said that he didn't see us having much in common in terms of future directions, because he was working in some sort of entrepreneurial capacity and I was in academics, and because we were far away from one another but we knew both these things at the start of our friendship-- we were never living in the same city!
I didn't think anything had changed. He ended the email saying that if we happened to be passing through the same city, he'd be happy to get a cup of coffee, but not much beyond that because 'it wasn't reasonable' to expect more from our friendship. So I walked away from that, feeling upset and confused, but figuring that I couldn't force things and that I'd best not hold my breath.
It just seemed so sudden-- we didn't have any disagreements or arguments that I knew of, and all of this happened over the course of two months. It had been maybe three months that I had gotten his gift of headphones to the time that he sent me that cold-sounding email.
Some hypotheses: I might have been a drag to talk to, because for about 1. I was probably talking in circles and needier than normal. Maybe that was off-putting to him and this sort of thing can cause friends to fall away.
Another possibility is that maybe I totally misread how close he thought our friendship was, and even though I felt close to him, he never did and is just very friendly to everybody. Another hypothesis is that men and women can't be friends, or that his girlfriend put a lot of pressure on him to not talk to me. We had a completely platonic friendship, though-- I've never felt an ounce of sexual tension with him. I know I'm not his type and he totally isn't my type, either.
Maybe I'm super clueless? When I visited, many of his friends had heard of me and wanted to befriend me because he apparently talked about me all the time. I heard from him that his mom had even assumed we were dating and approved of me and I only add this because a common topic of our discussion was how his mom never approved of his girlfriends. As I've mentioned, I'm a 20s female and have been in the same very stable, long-term relationship of five years when we first became friends; he knew about my boyfriend straight off the bat.
He has met my boyfriend. I have met one of his ex-girlfriends, but not his current girlfriend. According to him, his current girlfriend is "intimidated" by all of his ex-girlfriends and any other females that he associates with. This happened about a year and a half ago, so I'm not acutely writhing in pain, and I understand that people have their reasons and I might not ever get an answer, but I still wonder from time to time what the hell happened.
I have no idea if he is still with his girlfriend, but my impression is that he is. What happened here? Has anything like this happened to you? Is a friendship with this guy still possible to pick up years down the road? I'm so sad that I lost one of my best friends with what feels like zero explanation. My take is that he wrote his last few emails knowing that his girlfriend would read them. He has made his choice to stay with her-- he's also probably embarrassed about those emails where he complained about her.
Sorry to say he will have to stay far from you. He has come to the conclusion that you are not now nor likely soon going to be available in a romantic way and his new girlfriend is a control freak. Whatever he writes is with the knowledge that she will read it and interpret it.
The path of least resistance is to cut ties. I think you know the answer here, that's why you wrote so much about his girlfriend. I'm really sorry that you've lost a friend.
That feeling is terrible even when you know the reasons why! But I think you are overthinking this. His girlfriend is jealous of other women. She has probably gaslighted him about your relationship so that he has decided his friendship with you doesn't mean as much as his relationship with her. That sucks and she sounds like she's insecure.
Or maybe he was in love with you and he's trying to save face by acting like you didn't mean anything. Either way, this is entirely about him and not about something you did. Please be kind to yourself. You're not to blame here. There are going to be people in your life that decide to ghost on you and it's almost never because you're a bad person. You're way better served taking all the energy spent wondering why he's not your friend and focusing on cultivating other relationships with people who can actually be there for you.
Yes, and no. Also some men will do this even when their girlfriend is not controlling, because men often do not understand how to have emotionally close relationships that are not part of a hetero monogamous context. It's absolutely because of his girlfriend. Either she directly put pressure on him, or gave him so much grief about it that he stopped maintaining friendships with anyone she was bothered by, or he has feelings for you and his girlfriend picked up on it, or some similar combo.
I'd bet it's more on her being controlling based on being mad about a postcard. But you basically said "Hey, WTF, why aren't you talking to me? Maybe his girlfriend reads his emails or chats so he had to play it off as if you mean nothing so she doesn't get mad at him or whatever. I've been in a very similar situation with "I can't talk to you anymore" and being the "bad guy" for It sucks. A lot. So yeah, if your friendship was purely platonic and wasn't put before the new GF in terms of emotional intimacy or time, then you did nothing wrong.
Let him go. If he eventually breaks up with her or whatever and wants to talk again then determine then what you want to do. Dude had a crush on you and was pulling the common mids male trick of "waiting in the wings" for you to break up with your boyfriend and then fall for him and move to his city.
His new girlfriend correctly interpreted what you could not that you were in fact in his mind a viable romantic option and she shut it down. My read is that she may be controlling but she's not crazy. It's rare for young hetero men to have intimidate friendships with young women and not develop at least somewhat romantic or sexual feelings, in my completely anecdotal experience.
Friendship can still be achieved with managed feelings or without feelings but is a tricky minefield and two people being completely mutually not attracted to each other whatsoever is pretty damn rare. It appears you did over-estimate him and he has done you the favor of letting you know.
I don't know what purpose it will serve to blame the girlfriend or try to psychoanalyze out what other secret reason there must be. He told you some reasons.
Likely you'll never know why. And trying to figure it out is chasing after mists -- you'll never get there. You're going to have to just let it go. And get rid of the headphones -- if it were me, I'd leave them on a bench at a bus stop and walk away, not looking back. Along the same lines I'm confused as a 46 year old woman with life experience why YOU would want to be friends with this feckless person in the future.
He stopped talking to me when he got a girlfriend. why?
FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Why did my friend stop talking to me? My very good friend, 20s, M, abruptly cut off contact. When I approached him about this, he gave me a non-answer. As far as I know, he's been doing well.
The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion! I really liked the guy but only as a friend and I told him that. I've spoken him once on skype since he started dating this girl. Share Facebook.
The Surprising Truth About The Silent Treatment
But then it happened. I must know more! Here today, gone tomorrow. They get consumed with being in love and only reemerge when things have gone to crap and they need someone to cry to. You go MIA for months and expect me to console you when your relationship hits a rough patch? As if! You might end up forgiving them though and become super close friends with them again.
This Guy Loves Talking to Me, But Does Not Want to Be My Boyfriend
I would say that I have more guy friends than girl friends. I love my girl friends, but we often clash as we have similar complaints and needs. His reasoning behind this is that if you spend enough time together, things could change, and best friends usually spend a lot of time together. Personally, I choose to avoid this reasoning. I can get diverse opinions on things, and cut down on the gossip and drama; all that good stuff.
Home Recent Discussions Search. Yeah It really sucks Anybody else ever have this problem?
What To Do When Your Best Friend Ditches You For Their BF/GF
I met a guy I really liked, whom I was physically attracted to, whom I had a lot in common with intellectually and creatively we both write. We almost slept together. And then he stopped being flirtatious, but continued to contact me via email and text regularly, talking about film and writing.
Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies. The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance. Paul Schrodt , PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14, participants. The other will accuse his or her partner of being too demanding or critical.
Best friend stops talking to me once he gets a girlfriend...
One of my closest friends was a guy, I'd known him for almost 9 years. We met up from time to time to go to see a movie, he'd call into my work to see how I was and we were in regular contact by phone and email etc. Suddenly, earlier this year his replies to my texts and emails became really short and then stopped altogether. I found out not long afterwards after worrying that I'd upset him somehow from another friend that he had a girlfriend. I just don't understand why he would cut me off like that, he still has other female friends but why suddenly ignore me? And why not just tell me he has a girlfriend?
I've always had the unfortunate desire to want exactly what I couldn't have. They were appealing to me, and I was all about the chase. Once I got what I wanted, I didn't want it anymore.
The Harsh Reality Of Losing Guy Friends Once You Get A Boyfriend
It's not like I have ever been interested in them. They have always been friendzoned. But when they're single, we hang out all the time, go over each other's houses, but when they get a girlfriend it seems like they just stop talking to me without warning!
Best Guy Friend Gets A Girlfriend & Forgets all about you
My Best Friend Left Me For His Girlfriend And I Hate Him For That