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My boyfriend wont find a job

Christina, 29, has been with her serious boyfriend for several years. Whenever they go anywhere, she now pays for them both. This could go one of two ways: It could be the catalyst for your breakup, or it could be the first major challenge that you and your boyfriend get through together. Neither will be fun or sexy. Of course, you need to be very strategic about this.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: I'm Worried About My Boyfriend's Lack Of Ambition

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Lazy spouse that doesn't search for a job - How to deal

My Boyfriend Can’t Find a Job and It’s Driving Me Nuts!

Recently, my colleagues had a discussion about a trend in couples that we have observed where one partner refuses to get a job to support the household or have a stable employment. Here are some reasons why people choose to stay with a partner who refuses to work.

Even though you may start to feel a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment towards your partner, ultimately you stay in the relationship because you are getting something out of it. You have to be honest with yourself and explore what that is. Basically, there is some level of comfort to an unhealthy relationship, because it is familiar and predictable thus fear of the unknown.

And even if your partner is not there for you emotionally, you may take pride in the fact that you actually have a partner which is more appealing to you than dare I say being alone. I am too old to start over. No one else is going to want me. Where else would I go? Who would want to date me at my age?

Who would want to date someone with kids? A person with high self-esteem has respect for themselves, their abilities, and knows that they are worthy of being loved and valued by others.

There is also something to be said when we pick out a partner that is not living up to their best potential. You are ashamed to leave your partner or tell others what life is really like at home. Another reason why people stay who stay with a partner who is financially inconsiderate is because they are unable to tell the truth about their relationship problems to family members or close friends.

After all, who wants to think that they are being used by their partner or spouse? Your partner refuses to work to provide for the family! If your partner cares for you, they help you to build a relationship by working together. In a relationship, communication and emotional support are essential for the relationship to survive.

Without this, the relationship becomes one-sided, with one partner doing all of the work literally and figuratively. Now that you know what some of the reasons are for staying in a relationship where your partner refuses to work; you are probably wondering how go about remedying the problem. Here are some tips that I would recommend for you to remediate the issue.

You and your family need to survive, eat, pay bills, and have an emergency fund if something happens to anyone of you. Working gives people a since of pride, and it allows them to make contributions to the family by helping to build and solidify an emotional and financial future together. Furthermore, finances provide stability and freedom, and allow you to enjoy the fruits of your labor with your partner. Recognize that you are being financially abused.

When your partner refuses to work or contribute financially to the household, therefore putting all of the financial responsibilities on you, that is considered to be mistreatment and manipulation — which are also considered as financial abuse. Further, if your partner refuses to discuss or try remedy the issue, or puts you down for their inability to work, then you are also being emotionally abused.

That means that your partner is using their power over you to keep you at a disadvantage most likely to continue supporting them, and never leaving the relationship. This is toxic, and it drains the relationship of its energy over time. Recognize that you are unhappy…. Typically what happens when a partner refuses to work, is that the other partner has resentment towards them. Resentment continues to build if it is not addressed. You may go through the cycle of resenting your partner and trying to work with your partner to build a better relationship.

And if you have extra household responsibilities on top of working, you may also more irritable because of the added pressure. However, you need to get yourself some emotional support where you can feel heard and unjudged.

I recommend that you should go to therapy — alone, at least initially. In a situation where one person may be manipulated, I would always encourage them to get therapy first before going with their significant other. There you can get support, build your self-esteem and empowerment, and receive unbiased guidance on how to cope with the issues.

Give your partner different incentives to change. In order for people to change, they need to be motivated to do so. So reflect back and think about all of the things that you have tried to do in order to communicate with your partner.

Note to yourself that these previous methods and suggestions did not work, therefore something different has to be done. With my experience, I left my partner. Then and only then was he willing to radically change. For you it may be something different, like confronting your partner within the family or suggesting that they talk to a career counselor.

These are some suggestions that I would recommend if you are struggling to communicate and enforce boundaries with a financially dependent partner.

It can be tough to change relationship patterns, especially when they are destructive. For more information on how we can work together to improve financial boundaries in your relationship, please contact me at admin drnataliejones. When your partner refuses to get a job. Get some support.

Don’t Marry Your Man If He Lacks These 4 Traits

FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Dedicated boyfriend but unemployed and unambitious, should i end it? I'm 29, have a doctorate, make 6 figures and own my own place. I've been with a guy who is 5 years younger than me for 6 months now. When we first met he was very honest and revealed that he never finished high school but has a GED, he tried 1 semester of college but dropped out; he also disclosed without me asking that his job paid 30k a year.

Part of it is my doing — I encouraged him to quit his job in December without having something lined up, which goes against my usual advice. However, the people he worked for were terrible; I have a high bullshit threshold and these people went way past it.

You know what I am talking about. And read my 21 pieces of unsolicited advice for you, the brokenhearted. In our teens, being in the band made a man sexy. I went and confirmed it with an expert.

My Boyfriend Won’t Get A Better Job

The problem is, he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Whenever I bring up the subject he gets really defensive and even aggressive. I want him to plan for the future, hopefully OUR future, but at the same time, I refuse to play the role of his mother and tell him what to do with his life. Please help! I see why you are frustrated. You want to build a life with your boyfriend and you are scared that he is not mature enough to be a life partner. However, it is totally normal for a 24 year old to not have figured out his ultimate career path yet, especially in our current society.

Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Won’t Look For Work

Recently, my colleagues had a discussion about a trend in couples that we have observed where one partner refuses to get a job to support the household or have a stable employment. Here are some reasons why people choose to stay with a partner who refuses to work. Even though you may start to feel a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment towards your partner, ultimately you stay in the relationship because you are getting something out of it. You have to be honest with yourself and explore what that is. Basically, there is some level of comfort to an unhealthy relationship, because it is familiar and predictable thus fear of the unknown.

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Dec 22, - He may transition careers multiple times before deciding what he wants to ultimately do. But this doesn't mean that you have to be along for the.

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Comments: 1
  1. Kigahn

    It seems to me it is excellent idea. Completely with you I will agree.

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